Before I blow off them candles, I was told to make a wish. For a second it seemed like the universe begged at my feet and despite my long wish-list, I turned it down.
Silently blowing off my candles, I shut my eyes close. A tear managed to slide down my flushed cheek, I could tell. Panicking, wiping it off, and joining the live event I’m supposedly the queen of.
Cheers and smiles all across the room, only I was drowning in thoughts. Wondering which road will this take me? Will I join the stars in the dim? Or will I fade into nothingness during the day?
Another year? Another year.
Glistening secretly alone in the dark,
kept my company when I lost my spark,
That night hope found a home in me,
’cause even in the dark, the stars will be.
Not too soon, the cloudy mist greeted hi,
hope whispered, ‘stars never bid goodbye’.
That night, I found a home in thee,
’cause even when the clouds take over, hope will be.
Streaming down tears, I knew you’re near,
despite of the heavy rain, non i could fear.
Only that night, hope couldn’t save me,
but the sight of you, kept me free.
And the hole remains,
nothing can fill the space again.
Emotions digging into the veins,
perhaps someday, it escapes the pain.
And loneliness creeps in,
frantically searching for a friend in me.
It’s only now I give in,
perhaps we become friends, perhaps we’re meant to be.
And emotion after the other seeps in,
knocking the doors I left unlocked.
Emotions making its way under my skin,
perhaps they got the license after they knocked.
And I lay wondering how I got here, I’m unsure.
what went wrong, how much can I endure?
The only way I stay sane is by looking outside.
Through the window, that’s how I distract my mind.
It’s an illusion.
When I look outside I see a vast universe, a wide space with no boundaries. Once I look back in, I realise I’m still in this very narrow space.
It’s all in my head; the walls are collapsing, I can’t move, I can’t breathe. Gasping for air, I return my gaze back to the window. Figuring a way to make it all vague again.
On and again, it’s my therapy until we finally land.
Long lines of passengers grabbing their luggage. I sit patiently trying not to freak out, or even worse, pass out. My tummy still playful, I could feel my muscles tight, my blood rushing through my veins, but all I show is patience. For I know, it would get even more suffocating if I stand in line with this bunch of unknown faces.
So I wait until I’m the last to leave. Grab my luggage and rush to the exit door.
Another successful flight!
Each layer came cracking down, the shells I’ve surrounded myself with, ruptured one at a time. Gradually exposing every insecurity.
I hastened, picking up the pieces, helplessly trying to cover what I could. Every secret, every detail, every part of my being, radiating. Never have I felt more naked.
You stared blankly. Not a word could you utter, almost like you’re in space like it’s unreal.
You laid your eyes on my insecurities like they were art or some sort of magic. You barely touched, but I could feel your fingers joyfully flipping pages of my untold stories. You explored every corner of my being. And when you were almost done, you weren’t.
You looked deeply into my eyes, not blinking once, it was a gaze of knowledge. Your lips never uttered a word. Your arms extending, embracing my bare soul, and after a deep breath, whispering, you stuttered, ‘You deserve better‘.
I broke down in tears that night,
‘I need you’, I cried in dismay.
Vulnerable, glaring at you in fright,
all I wanted, was for you to stay.
On the cold bare floor, I lied.
You left but your memories never did,
on that day, I knew I died.
a secret the universe always hid.
A thin scarf promised to keep her warm,
she sat there, as she witnessed the waveform
Her feet buried into the fine marine sand,
eyes fixed, and all noise was banned.
Gentle waves caressed the shore,
a strong bond, hard to ignore.
Every time with a kiss it swore,
to come back with even more.
Lost in the maze of her mind,
how deep is the love of the sea for the shore
A love story, one of a kind,
the warmth she always longed for.
In the backseat, she didn’t care who took the lead,
heading to nowhere or somewhere, she paid no heed.
Rolling down the window, whispering wind rushed through her hair,
she gazed at the sky, ignoring the wind and the mist in the air.
Her eyes shifted from the indigo to the blue and black,
finally landing on the silver moon, counting stars she lost track.
Admiring the beauty of the moon, she didn’t blink an eye,
shining bright yet lonely in the dark night sky.
The story of the moon and how it sacrifice,
the little sparkle it owns and doesn’t think twice.
The story of the moon and it’s loving heart.
the company of the lonely and the broken apart.
She fell in love with the moon,
like she falls for everything that walks away
She’s aware when it’s noon,
she’ll be broken begging it to stay.
In a metaphorical bubble, it’s suffocating,
as anxiety kicks in, dominating.
You’re claustrophobic, it doesn’t make sense,
you’re drowning, over-thinking the future tense.
Like you’re followed by a voice,
the destroyer of your life by no choice.
It’s why you shiver in fear,
it’s why you’re always unclear.
Waking up, hoping you’re alright,
waking up in an ocean with no land in sight.
It’s anxiety, your company in the dark and the light,
I guess some things will never be ‘alright’.
I was a flower in a beautiful field,
I was meant to bloom and glow.
My soul, my colours you concealed,
myself was meant to grow.
In monochrome, I grew,
I survived, I knew.
You might have wiped off my hue,
but dear, darkness is where my roots grew.
Fight me, kill me, poison my soul,
I’ll live my life, I’ll reach my goal.
And if I didn’t, I’ll leave behind,
my seeds, my petals, are gems to find.